For the past few weeks I’ve gotten into an unhealthy routine I’m not proud of. I’ve been feeling down about my Gran. The sadness still comes unexpectedly and I need to keep remembering that she isn’t suffering and is in a better place. It just hurts so much.
I’ve been sleeping badly, eating terribly and my gym card has gathered a bit of dust. It seems easier to reach for a glass of wine when I get home from work than to put on my running shoes. So I end up taking a sip. Bid farewell to gym plans. Eat an unhealthy supper with zero nutrients, sleep badly and repeat the routine the next day. I fall into bed exhausted, wake up even more tired and drag myself through a day with little motivation.
It isn’t right. This is not what my Gran would have wanted. This is also not what my husband deserves.
So yesterday I decided enough is enough. At lunchtime I went to the shops to do a small grocery shop. It meant we could save time after work. An ex colleague had planned a girls supper that evening and in the past I’d use that as an excuse that after going to the shops there wouldn’t be time for gym. Not yesterday. We got home, I changed my clothes, blew the dust off my access card, found my towel and marched to gym. Well, we drove there but I walked in with purpose. I ran for 20 minutes, my body protesting most of the time but I just kept going. Then I rowed for 10. The machine was all sweaty from the previous user and it felt like it needed a service but I carried on. I felt irritated about stuff at one stage (probably the sweaty rowing machine which was feeling more rickety by the second) and huffing and puffing I ended my work out and went to wait for hubby. When we got to the parking lot I realised that I felt calm. For the first time in ages, I felt calm and had a sense of relaxation that no amount of my favourite wine can give.
I went to have dinner with the girls and I had a water with my dinner. They had drinks and I didn’t feel like joining in. I sipped my water and mentally counted the glasses I’d had that day – 7 in total. And when I got home I had number 8 and then went to get ready for bed.
It is a small start but it is a massive jump in the right direction.