Sometimes talking it out is worse than ignoring it.

I had breakfast with my mother yesterday.  After the way things have been between us I thought discussing some of it would be beneficial.  I had planned that 2017 would be the year I walked away from the most toxic, time consuming, hurtful and unfulfilling relationship I’ve ever had – the one with my parents.  But I had a change of heart and my mother sent an e-mail where she almost sounded interested in my life and we agreed to meet and talk things through.

My mother made a huge breakfast – she said we could eat by her as we wouldn’t be able to discuss things properly in a restaurant.  We had to stay in the diningroom because she has a needy friend who pops by most Saturdays at that time and will then stay for hours.  Easier to pretend one isn’t home than be seen in their lounge.  Heaven forbid she actually tells a friend from down the road that she is busy with her eldest daughter – wouldn’t want the world to end.

In a nutshell I feel we got nowhere.  My mother has an excuse for every bit of hurt she has inflicted on me over the years – the top 4 being:

  • Gosh did I really say that?
  • I don’t think I said such a thing
  • I was angry and venting – didn’t really mean it
  • I really don’t remember saying that

When I started our discussion I mentioned the 4 excuses listed at each of our ‘trying to talk it out meetings’ and was given another one! “I’d like to have known what the conversation was about before I said such a thing”  I.e I’m still wrong.  I deserved 33 years of hurtful things said.

My birthday is coming up.  It is customary with my parents to ignore me when they have a birthday unless all family are invited around.  So if the entire group of relatives aren’t present – we aren’t either.  My mother smugly pointed out that they don’t complain when I go away for my birthday or do stuff with my friends.  She has conveniently forgotten that I still include them in my birthdays.  I went to spend the day with them last year and took them for breakfast.  I’ve had numerous parties over the year including other ungrateful family members.  One year I popped around with a platter and drinks after work – it was too much to expect them to come to me of course!  I’ve spent numerous afternoons on my birthday by my parents and they have managed to forget each time???  My father is 60 and my mother 57 so I don’t know where this so-called memory loss is stemming from.

My father managed to be cold for most of the visit – don’t even know what that was about but don’t have the energy to care.  My mother wouldn’t say where they were planning on moving to – they aren’t giving the details to anyone.  What the endless stream of visitors that flood their house will think of this I’d be interested in knowing.

The real slap in the face came when my mother said I could spend my birthday by them and “stay as long as you like”.  This will mean an entire day with so-called deprived family rocking up for a free meal.  Or their hoard of friends who only know how to take.  Lucky me.  The REAL insult was when I said I’d like to take them for breakfast instead.  Long story was given on how my father promised one of his friends to get his drivers licence sorted on that day.  Apparently the friend asked 3 weeks ago.

I’ve had my birth date since the early 80’s.  How silly of me to think that would mean anything.



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