On the 7th October at 10:48am my Gran passed away. The last few weeks have been spent trying to accept that my Ouma is gone and it feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest. We saw her the day before and she wasn’t doing great but I gave her the project I’d made and she felt the buttons I’d sewn on and we had a visit with her.
Nothing prepares you for losing someone. It doesn’t matter how ill or elderly they were – it is still an awful shock and takes time getting used to. It feels wrong all the time thinking that she isn’t with us anymore and I find myself crying with zero warning. I’ve had how many desk cries this week.
The support from friends has been very warming and I appreciate the kind words, messages, hugs, tissues and the sweetest card and bookmark from a dear friend. My parents received flowers and cards and it is clear that my Ouma was dearly loved by so many people.
I had one friend who has not even acknowledged what happened and recently sent the longest Whatsapps ever all about herself. I gave the shortest reply ever and blocked her on my phone so she has no way of texting, whatsapping, or contacting me ever again. She lives overseas so no chance of seeing her around Cape Town. She is not a friend and couldn’t even show a shred of compassion over the most awful 10 weeks I’ve had.
Tomorrow is a gathering at my parents. Hoping it goes smoothly but not holding my breath. At my Gran’s burial, two uncles who haven’t spoken to each other in years made the day all about them. One is rude and offensive. The other rude, offensive and hugely inappropriate. Of course my mother is oblivious to their behaviour and not going tomorrow is not an option.
I always felt loved by my Gran. Safe and loved – two of the most treasured feelings in the world. Family gatherings won’t be the same without her and to be honest, with some of the relatives I have, I feel safer when I’m away from my family.