Is it enough??

This is the first year that I am returning to the office before the end of December.  Usually hubby and I go back at the beginning of January.    Sadly this year, hubby is so busy that we are returning two days before 2015 ends but saving leave for February so I’m keeping that thought in mind.

This year was my least favourite year at the office.  I cannot make it any simpler and I feel like a stuck record because I have probably irritated the living daylights out of everyone who knows about the situation.  I feel like my time to complain is up and I need to move past what happened but (being me) I’m stuck in it and feeling incredibly down about the whole thing.

Today I ran into an old colleague who asked me if I was still at the company.  And in the past I’d nod and with a smile confirm I was and mention how I was still enjoying it.  But today I stood in Pick ‘n Pay and didn’t have one single positive thing to say.  I shrugged and said it is nearly ten years.  I couldn’t even fake it.  And I didn’t even feel bad.

I’ve literally stayed in this job because I adore my boss and I’m convinced that I’ll never find anyone else to work for who is as awesome.  But I find a nagging voice asking if this is enough?  Is it enough to stay in a company that I am currently desperately unhappy at?  Is one person sufficient to override the fact that I feel like nothing more than a number to a company in which I no longer feel a valued part of?  I didn’t even bother attending the year end function because I frankly didn’t give a damn.  Because after working my backside off for six months for zero extra remuneration I feel so fed up that I wish I could resign and swan off to someplace else.  Because I feel envy for every colleague who resigns and secretly wish I was the one giving the farewell speech and pretending to be sorry for leaving a company that cares more about making money than looking after the employees who are actually helping them make the money.  Because I’m sick of suspecting that the only way people get ahead in that office is by making a fuss, complaining or threatening to leave before they get a promotion.  And I was good enough to dump extra work onto but not worthy of a cent more.  Yet they have had to hire someone to take over the new boss’s work and I don’t think she is doing it for free.  And they have had to hire her a replacement who I doubt is doing voluntary service.  So it is acceptable to pay other people more.  Not the quiet girl who puts up with everybody’s crap and has to smile and pretend to enjoy it.

So hubby and I have discussed it and the plan is to see how this year pans out.  If nothing is done about the appalling treatment received this year, I will begin looking for a new job in 2017.  I will give them a year which will make the total amount of years at that company 10.

I think that is enough.






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